Patricia Faulks

World Childless Week Champion 2024/25

And there you have it - elderly, olderly, what the hellery- ageing. Properly ageing. Walking alone (with a stick, as do I) tip - tapping your doddery self along life’s High Street.  

You, your dog and I. That’s it folks. Nothing to see here - move along. Just a ‘nice old lady’ and her dog - coming through so stand back.  

‘Good morning’ they say. I can tell you - you know when you’ve reached the pinnacle of officially ‘old’ when the populace all smile and go ‘polite’. 

‘I’ll give ‘em nice’ says you as you crack some random kid round the ear hole. Chance eh?  

Where am I going with this?  

Back in the room and I’ll tell you.  

You get angry when you get old. There you are, sorted. But, problem is, where or who do you vent? For, you have no one. If, like me, you have no partner, no siblings, no former in-laws, no children just no one. See, you’re ageing without children and I can tell you - no matter what the gung hos’ say - it’s unlikely you’ll be hanging out of a light aircraft a thousand feet up about to launch yourself into the ether. Nor is it likely you’ll be astride Everest nor even Helvellyn. 

But wait…maybe you have achieved such things? Good. Well done…

If, like me, you’ve proper lived your life when younger, you opted for the quiet time when older. But the quiet time slides unobtrusively into loneliness and isolation without family there to hang on to or support you. Whether they’re local or zoom lead they are there. With no children you are adrift. Unrooted and unguided. There will be exceptions and no doubt I’ll be informed of them, I usually am, but put yourself in exactly my position if you will. Aged 75, no family nor partner, no siblings, no children. Girding the old loins to go forth and join - again. I expect I will, she yawned. My issue will be the buzz and chatter of family matters as the members of the group discuss. And I can’t join in. Eventually I’ll be asked ‘the question’ and ‘I don’t have children’ will be dealt with as best they all can. But they do not understand and it’s not their fault.  

Being brutally honest our issue of wanting our childless state out there in MSM is piddle if compared to current issues dominating social media and world news. We pop up at ‘community’ time - community barely exists nowadays but family gathering is all the thing. Fair enough. Need I go on? Family? Que? 

To be honest - this - unless we can get ourselves out there in mainstream whether it be a young couple that can’t conceive or older person without children or a family trying to exist. A strong narrative in favour of social care’s ability to cope with the ill and/or the ageing alone in their own home and wanting to/ trying to remain independent would be a good start.  

I talk about ageing but particularly alone without children a lot. I know I do. Because it’s my life - now. And, one assumes, it could well be many of yours.  

How to play it? This ageing alone without children lark? I might bumble on but surely mine (and many of yours) answer is to tell them that matter. Maybe your surgery or the surgery nurse. Community Police? Your local Councillor? You are ageing and completely alone. Why should you sit alone worrying about who will know if you are injured or (God forbid but, realistically, one day - dead?). Otherwise what are these community/social care people there for? 

Ageing without children (AWOCUK) is the name of the charity working hard to support us. It’s also many of our actual day to day existence. I may well get shot down again but when really old as I am you long for the old-time bedrock of proper neighbourhood or immediate community. Mostly, in ‘today world’ it’s not there.  

And I think there in lies the problem. One other little problem is our inability to ‘spread the word’. The childless word (add ageing) because talking amongst ourselves is easy. Having The Guardian give it a go has been tried and much appreciated but ’tis a smaller and more ‘elite’ circulation compared to the mainstream rags. (No point getting ‘snobby’ about it is there?).

What are we to do, then?  

It is solveable. Isn’t it?  

Shall we discuss?  I think we should.

But, just to say so as you know - we love you all - me and her.* Have a wonderful and peaceful 2025. That’s the most important thing. Thank you for reading

You’d better! 

See ya  

* Her, is Lilley the dog